relationship

i been staying with him for weeks after we broke up.. but however, things arent going the way we wanted. it hurts more than what we expected. been checkin his facebook so as him checking mine. seriously, jealousy and sadness pops up everytime we both saw each other contacting opposite sex people and stuffs. he been having his life so as me. i seldom go out anymore as i dont drive and transport been a big problem for me to go out especially in the night. all i can say is i am sorry for hurting you. afterall i am not a good girlfriend. i could not play my role as your girlfriend that well and as what you expected. i tried changing your thinking throughout this whole week we been staying together but i failed. your mind is totally fixed. all i can do is listen to breakup songs and cry all by myself in the blanket. although you were beside me, but u never bother. probably u wanna comfort me but u dont know how. i cant blame u for that either. i have small amount of friends to talk to thus i only can blog. i wish i could hug u whenever i am sad. but i need to ask your permissions first. that is so awkward though. i wish things could be better between us as time passes by. love you lots!

heartbroken

i really dont know what to say this time cause the biggest fault is me, myself. i did the same mistake twice in this relationship. however, the second time is not as worse as the first one. honestly, i already learnt my lesson in the first case.. but that does not goes to my boy.. i know how he feels all along.. he felt so unsafe, sad, and dont know how to face it if the second time happens again. because i know how he felt, i dont want to do it again. i really felt that he is the mr right for me all along from the first day of our relationship. however, i realized that i really screwed up the relationship in the first case thus i dont want it to repeat again. as for the second case, i can promise u that really nothing happened. i did not repeat the first case. but when i came back, he suspects. fine, i am okay with that cause that is a normal reaction as the first time happens after i returned from outstation. back to the second case, i did think twice before doing anything cause i dont want to hurt him as he is really part of my life. when i came back, i dont blame him for suspecting but still he does not trust me. again, i cant blame him cause this is another normal reaction as i hurt him before. he is just being cautious. he is afraid that the same thing would happen again and feel hurt too. yet, we argued for nothing that's why i did dedicate a song, "mad" by ne-yo to him during that cold war. another issue came out was i met this new bunch of lovely friends so i asked his permission to allow me to hang out with this bunch of people. again, he afraid cause the person that he suspects is part of the gang. again i would not blame him for being protective. but i hoped that i could have more friends cause honestly i really have small number of friends. most of my besties were not here and some dont really keep in touch with me anymore. then i went out with this bunch of friends and came back kinda late. again, he noticed something happen in my twitter. i thought that twitter is all about myself expressing my own feelings. the suspected guys seems to reply my tweets though. my boy went twitting and saw. one day after outing, he came and asked me what is going on between me and the other guy. i could not explain more cause there is nothing happening. he got angry and again another cold war. i was so upset and hoped out from the car while he is driving home. that night, we did not speak to each other at all. the very next day, we never talked and i asked him to drop me at shopping mall to meet up with friends. as what happened between me and my boy, the suspected guy and his friends cared and tried to cheer me up. that night i went home late. my boy was upset, but i am afraid that if i returned home early, we would argue again. i really dont want that to happen though so i retuned home late. the next morning i feel so sad and emo. i really dont know what to do but hugging him. then we tried to settle things and all. we had a conclusion with a cooling period. okay, we stick with it. but however, i feel that he is being very cold to me during that war. at this moment i really dont know who to talk to and cry to. all i know i got that new bunch of friends that could comfort so i went to find them. that night my boy came to fetch me home. we sat at a cafe for restaurant and start talking again. that moment i was so jealouse of him cause he had lots of friends and family members start calling him asking aboout his love life. i was thinking why i dont have that such of bunch of people to care about me when i am down. again, i cried in public. that night we went home, yea he hugged me but it was a friend hug. for that few days i am really emotionally down. i really clueless about what to do and all. one day i went out, yet forgot to bring my phone. i rushed home, saw him holding my phone with tears. my heart really broken at that moment. i felt that i am a jerk for hurting his feeling. i could not say much then he just passed me the phone and went back to the room. i was squating down and cried. he heard, he came out but i ran away from home. i really dont know where to head to other than my friends. i went to look for them then i went back to my house. i realized i need family love now but i could not express to them how heartbroken am i. i keep crying in my room. my dad saw but i just ignored him asking me what happened. my mum was not around but if she does, i wont tell her as well cause she would asked tons of questions that i would not want to answer. i keep avoiding my dad by goin out to shopping mall alone. i feel so sucked crying in public everytime i sat down. at night i retuned home, i really want to give my boy a call but he just would care anymore. i just dont know what to do but sleep. the next day i skipped class cause i dont want to go back to college where i might bumped into my boy and start crying. till today i saw my boy again as i am back to college cause i need to rush my assignments. but again i burst into tears. i guess this relationship really gave me a strong impact cause he is really the one for me and i hurt him so badly that he could not take it the second time. all i can say i m sorry, bi. and i love u so much!! *heartbroken*

love life...

its been a while i do blogging... yet, this time i blog will be about me and my mr right... ;) i n him used to be together for 9 months... v both loved each other so much till v decided to settle down to build a happy family... yet, it did not worked out... because i ruined that dream of ours... its me... i am the one playing with fire and caused myself trapped in the fire... i hurt him so much till he is so suffering to stay by my side... i am really sorry... sorry for causing all this... v both really cherish our moments together... having him beside me was not a regret thing to do in my life... v both were so sweet and loving... none of any arguments made both of us seperated but only tears.. he really made my life was different... he made my life lively and colourful... yet, its me who does not appreciate him throughout the whole relationship.. he done so many things which touched my heart and myself... i really will not forget these memories but will cherish it no matter wat... sorry...

worst day ever!!!

well... yday was 24th of mac 2009... wad was the worst thing ever happen to me??? ppl who are b****es said that i m the devil when i m the real angel in the whole situation.... well... i shall name the b****es as 'S' (guy) n 'V' (girl)... ok... let me explain from the begining... the begining of the story is when this final sem of mine starts... i start to know S closely since this sem but not to close that i know his true colour of his personality... it was a weekday where me and my bf's gang went to main campus... S was thr too... his fren asked me whether i could borrow my ID card for S so he could borrow a book from library... n i said can... so his fren n me went to library to get the book... at the same time in the library... his fren suggested a book that i should borrow which is beneficial for one of the subjects i m taking now.... so i borrowed the book... meaning to say on that day i borrow 2 books... however i left the books with S cuz i gotta rush home... after i left the campus, i did msg him askin him to bring back the book for me the next day... on the same day my bf's fren dropped S at his cousin's hse... then, the next day he told me he forgot to bring... so i excused him for tat reason... but however, i kept on tellin him to bring the book to me... n he kept on forgettin... till one day my mum called up scolding me for the reason i borrow books for my frens under my ID card... cuz my mum say that the uni send me reminders for both books... i got so pissed off... i quickly called him to bring the book back on that weekend and asked him to pay for the penalties of the books... he agreed... so i feel much reliefed... then.... he oni get to return one book to me which is the book that he borrowed...the book that i borrowed he said he left it at our fren's car which fetched him to his cousin's hse that day... fine... so i asked the fren who drove him... and he say the book wasnt in the car!! i got pissed off again... den the next day... the fren who drove him and my fren that suggested to borrow the book told him that he kept the books in one of his laptop bags... den suddenly S said 'oh yeaaa!!€ i remembered now!! i shall go find it by this weekend n bring back on mon!!' den i felt relief again.... den on the mon he say the book is lost for sure now!!! i was like f**k!!! the before my school trip my mum called bout the book cuz the campus send reminders again... then after the trip, i asked my mum how much is everythin... she say its rm180++... den i ask for the date of the letter... the letter was with my mum 2 weeks before the trip... so i quickly settle it once i came back from my trip... i asked my mum to pay for it 1st... everythin was rm280... den i told S... he said ok n hhe wil pay back to me... but whenever i ask for the money, he give reasons that he cant return it to me... i felt so angry n sad.... cuz i got no more cash from mum n i dependin on my bf instead.... this when the V comes into the story... well... whenever i asked for the money, V is wit S.... so... one day.... they went to meet my bf's best fren n the fren tat suggested me to borrow the book... both V & S complain to them that i being calculative & i m the one who lost the book instead of S... how pissed off was i when i heard it???

facebooky!!

jus informin i open a new acc in facebook!! add me at passionofcolour@hotmail.com... =D

1st presentation...

it was monday yesterday... which means i m attendin eng communication class... well... my lecturer is mrs sally.... she's quite sweet n lovely n kind lecturer... i love her... =D we had our 1st group discussion in d class... so v group ourselves in 4 in a group... in my group all gals... =D v had tis slight discussion bout school system... so v did our discussion n all... after tat, each group gotta send a representative... n pratically the lucky one is chosen by our lecturer... haiz... mana tahu yesterdat in my group i was the LUCKY one!!! so i got chosen n present our discussion in front of the class... wow!!! the experience was somethin diff... haha!!! the classroom was quite cold... so i m quite shiverin la!!! XD n guess was my class held together wit some seniors... so its like i m presentin in front of elder students lo... a bit scary!!! @.@ n i kept talkin in front of the class bout the topic lo... n then QUESTION time!!! which means i hav to ans other group's ques... n tat is a compulsory thing to be done by each group... OMG!!! n my weakness is i cant reali get the ques on the spot!!! pratically twice my classmates ask ques... twice also i answered serong!!! lol!!! =D

tiring week!!!

its been a week i in my college at cheras... although tat week in all bout briefin oni, it stil makes me quite tired... tat is because after class i went shoppin wit my dear fren, clover... hehe... =D so smart of me... haha!! mon went jusco.. tues went sungai wang... wed went mid valley... thurs went leisure mall... fri went petaling street... pratically our classes tis week were very short till on tues i n my fren came late to class around 30 mins... den v went for the class oni for 15 to 30 mins... i n my fren were like... *wat the hell! class for oni 15 mins??* i a bit piss off la... but the main blame is on me also... y m i so late??? lol xD n also tis week$ i m being a spendthrift... i almost spend around rm100 for my materials for my college use... n then around rm150 for other stuff... =D